The above meme was posted on Facebook, so I felt the need to write about this incident. There is so much
hate and outrage going on right now.
Here is a link to the news story about what happened:
It is so easy to blame the parents for the death of this
majestic animal (gorilla). I believe most of the hate is because an animal lost
its life as the outcome. We are so distraught over it that we are looking for someone to blame. The mom is the
easiest target so let’s direct our hate toward her. But before we do (I know,
too late), let’s look a little deeper as to what is happening:
My questions are, “How did a 3 year old get into the gorilla’s
habitat in the first place?” “What was the problem with the barrier that
allowed such a thing to happen?” “Is the zoo not responsible for keeping the
animals separated from human beings while the humans are on THEIR property?” “If
a 3 year old can get through their barrier, how well was it actually designed?”
“How much responsibility for this should be assigned to the mom?”
It would not surprise me to find that most of the people who
are blaming the mom for letting her child wander off are the same people who
fight for the parents who want their so-called “free range kids”. Or the same people who would scoff at keeping
their 3 year old on a “leash”, calling it inhumane. “How dare you put a leash
on a child?” “How dare you charge parents with neglect for letting their kids
play without constant supervision?” BUT, “That child should have your hand every
single second you are in the zoo. You cannot blow your nose or let go for even
a second to get something out of your pocket, or snap a picture, or anything else you are allowed to do at a zoo. Let me ask you this, “When you take a picture of
anything, are you eyes ALSO on your child? Most people’s eyes work in tandem,
so if one of your eyes is looking at something, your other eye is ALSO looking
at the same thing. I know my kids never left my sight even for a moment. And I
am the perfect parent because I am aware of my child’s exact location 100% of
the time. My toddler has NEVER left my sight and NEVER gotten into something
they shouldn’t have gotten into. My toddler KNOWS the dangers of walking off
and therefore has NEVER done that. We are ALL perfect parents until that one
incident when we’re not. I rejoice that none of the incidences my kids got into
ever brought harm to them. We did have to call poison control on one occasion,
we had a few runs to the emergency room, but we never got called “bad parents”
because of it. Probably because it happened at home and not at the zoo, and
because an animal never had to be put down.
I would call my wife and I extremely responsible parents. We
were always aware of where the kids were when we went to stores, or the mall,
or anywhere, because, you know, we leave our homes to live life. And with my
first child, she NEVER got away from us when we were out. I never once doubted
my skills as a parent because child #1 was the “perfect little angel”. We
raised her that way. However, along came child #2. We would go to a department
store, and I briefly let go of her hand to see what size a shirt is and BAM! She
is no longer anywhere to be found. She thought it was funny to hide inside the
clothes rack and not answer when we called. As it turned out, she was within 5
feet of our position, but we couldn’t find her. She did this several times, and
each time she got a lecture (and at times punishment) about the dangers, but
come on, she’s 3 years old. My oldest NEVER did these sorts of things and it made
me so confident that I was the perfect parent. #2 made sure I knew there was no
such thing. I never lost her at a zoo, but how many times do you go to a zoo as
compared to a store?
For those who say, “When you go to a zoo, you're around
wild animals, so you need to be extra cautious.” How many of you would go to a
zoo if you knew there was a possibility that the wild animals could come into
contact with you or your child? You would all be screaming about how
irresponsible the zoo was! No one would visit there because of safety issues!
When you go to a zoo, you assume that all the safety precautions are in place so
that there is absolutely NO danger to the visitors. If all of you go onto a
higher level of awareness at a zoo versus a park, then you are obviously a far
better parent than I ever was. I remember watching cartoons as a kid where Bugs
Bunny walked up to a lion’s cage (at a zoo or circus) and was able to put his
hand inside and touch the lion. Would you visit that place? As a matter of
fact, a child crawled into the cage in that or another episode. Do we assume
that is not possible when we go on an outing? I’ve seen a situation where a
woman scaled 2 safety fences to get a picture of a polar bear and was mauled.
Now we have a case for calling someone stupid. Or another case of a drunk 35
year old scaling fences and being harmed. But if a 3 year old can get inside an
enclosure, the fault is not necessarily with the parents.
Here’s another thing to consider. She was not there with just
HER children. This was an outing with some additional kids. Did you know that
when teachers take field trips, they do occasional “head counts” to make sure
all are present? Why is that? Answer: Because kids of ALL ages tend to wander
off occasionally. Is it the teacher’s fault if one turns up missing? Or is it
the child who wandered off? Once you have more than one child to watch, your
attention is now divided. It becomes impossible to keep track of every move
they make. In this case, I think dad was along (why is no one blaming him?). So 2
children are easily watched, but add a third child, and even two adults cannot watch
each one 100% of the time. So should we say that you are an irresponsible
parent if you ever allow yourself to get into a situation where there are more
children than adults? Ever have a sleepover for one of your kids? Do you know
what they are doing 100% of the time?
Has a child ever choked on a toy that was
too small? How irresponsible, right? Just because one child is 10 and one is 3,
you obviously don’t allow the 10 year old to have toys which could be a choking
hazard for the 3 years old, right? And if you do, you make sure the 10 year old
is in a habitat that the 3 year old can’t wander into, right? I can build ridicules
scenarios all day long. NO ONE watches their child 24/7. This is a very
unfortunate situation where an animal lost its life. You can be angry, you can
be sad, you can feel however you feel. But to hate on a mom who probably
already feels bad, does not help the situation.
Don’t get me wrong. There are terrible parents out there. I’ve
seen plenty of them. My mom worked in a hospital and has seen tons of kids go
through there for all sorts of accidents. Most happen when the parent isn’t
watching. Does that make them bad parents? Not at all! Accidents happen. This
one at the zoo just had very unusual circumstances. Personally, I have several
scars. I received each one when my parents weren’t watching. My most prominent one
was when I was in my bedroom with a brother or two, all safe and sound. I was
told many times to not jump on my bed. Guess what? I jumped on my bed! When I
fell, I hit my face against the headboard, right above my right eye.
Apparently, lots of blood, and today, 52 years later (I was 4 at the time), I still
have the scar from that night. Did that make my mom a bad parent? She warned us
to not do that. She made punishment for the offense known to us in a public
display when my brothers did it. But I did it anyway. Obviously it was my mom’s
fault for not sitting in the bedroom with us instead of doing something else,
because moms have nothing else to do.
I am not an advocate of watching your child 24/7. They need
to explore the world, and yes, that will include some dangers and injuries and
scars. We do our best to protect them from the “obvious” dangers, but if we
actually believe we can protect them from everything, we are already showing
signs of being a bad parent. Why don’t
you keep your kids in a bubble, and never leave the house? Because it isn’t realistic!
Think about it, you are exposing your child to danger every time you leave the
house. So stay in!
These are just some of the thoughts I’ve had on this subject.
So rather than hating the mom because of her “bad parenting”, perhaps we need
to examine our own parenting skills. It would be easy for me to say that if you
have just one child, you’re not a real parent because you can focus your
attention fully on that child. But if you have 2 or more, you will find out how
hard it is to know what both are doing all the time. But I won’t. We all have moments
when we fail, and even moments when we don’t fail but things still go horribly wrong.
Yes, I am saddened by the need to kill this gorilla. But I cannot hate someone because
of an accident that lead up to it. Perhaps she is a terrible parent, we don't really know, but one incident
does not define how good or bad of a parent you might be. Otherwise, we are ALL
bad parents, because we ALL have had failures.
I am including the following link to an open letter written
to the mom. I thought it was extremely well written and expresses some real
heartfelt compassion.
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