Saturday, August 20, 2016

Does God have a special someone for us to marry? - My thoughts



The above article is quite good, as far as "advice" goes. I agree with becoming more Christ-like, pursuing God's will for my life, etc. BUT I totally disagree with the idea that God will “give” you a spouse. Perhaps many people (including Christians) who are single are just not desirable for marriage because they are jerks, or come across as “desperate”, or a host of other reasons. I know so many Christians who are so convinced that God will “give” them the relationship they want, that they declare a person as “the one” after their first date. I know one guy who found the girl God wanted him to marry 5 times, until she wasn’t, and then SHE wasn't, and then SHE... After the first date, “she’s the one”. After a few more dates, SHE decides that HE isn’t.  He went through a string of women he was convinced God gave him to marry, and none of them were.

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” 

Paul is telling us that marriage is a CHOICE. He leaves this completely up to free will. He is also telling us that it is better to remain single if you can, but if you desire companionship, you should fulfill that by getting married. (Some say “burn with passion” is referring to an uncontrollable desire for sex. Since sex outside of marriage is wrong, getting married resolves the issue.)

So if Paul says getting married is an individual choice, why would we believe that God will “give” us the spouse we want? I totally agree with the author that we should always be seeking God’s will for us, and to seek God is to fall in alignment with His desires for us. Becoming more holy may even make us more attractive to potential spouses (not a reason to desire being holy however). A Christian woman WANTS to marry a man desiring to be more Christ-like, as does a Christian man wants a woman who is striving to be the same. Our pursuit of being like Jesus should never end. But believing that God has one man, or one woman in mind for us makes no sense to me. Marriage requires compromise, forgiveness, humbleness, and a plethora of other Godly attributes. Your spouse will never be “perfect" for you. You will have to forgive them for mistakes. You will have to compromise your desires with your spouse’s. You will have to humble yourself to serve them. I believe there are many people who will make fine spouses for each of us, but we have to have these Godly attributes for the marriage to function and stay alive.

I’ve heard so many people say that “everything happens for a reason.” I agree, and sometimes that reason is because you made bad choices. "God works things out for good for those who love Him." If both husband and wife pursue God in their marriage, He will bless it. That doesn’t mean it will be perfect, or easy, or smooth sailing, but it DOES mean that you can work through anything as a team united in Christ’s love.

For those who “know” the person they had one date with is “the one”, why don’t you get married after that first date? Why date at all? Dating is a time of testing, to find out if this is the person we believe we can spend the rest of our lives with. There are things about my wife that can simply drive me insane, but because I can forgive, compromise, and simply accept her faults, I have no problem getting passed those things. I am no peach all the time either. She also has to do those things to keep our marriage intact.

One last question, and perhaps this is where my entire questioning of this idea comes from, if God gives Christians their spouses (and I assume God doesn’t make mistakes), why is the divorce rate among Christians EXACTLY the same as among non-Christians?

3 comments:

  1. Wow, I truly needed and enjoyed reading this, I was headed down that crazy path your friend experienced after waiting almost two yrs after my divorce to start dating. Every person I met seemed "Godsend" they were, as lessons. I learned what I truly needed and wanted in a partner. I remained single after that and made myself happy. After reading your thoughts, I have such a better understanding of my experience and the scriptures, thank you.

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  2. Wow, I truly needed and enjoyed reading this, I was headed down that crazy path your friend experienced after waiting almost two yrs after my divorce to start dating. Every person I met seemed "Godsend" they were, as lessons. I learned what I truly needed and wanted in a partner. I remained single after that and made myself happy. After reading your thoughts, I have such a better understanding of my experience and the scriptures, thank you.

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm sorry it took so long to respond, but I don't always know if I should respond. I'm very glad this was helpful for you. I enjoy putting my thoughts down (as it is very therapeutic for me), but I also like being able to offer helpful advice when I can. Your comments help me know that my writing is worth the effort I put into it. Thank you again for commenting!

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