Toxic People - My Thoughts

NOTE - Let me preface this piece by saying that I am NOT a Trump supporter. I think he would be far more effective if he stayed off social media and just stuck to doing his job. I state this because what you read in the following could easily make me "appear" to be one of his supporters. The subject matter circles around him. Now on to my thoughts...

I made a decision a few weeks ago to remove toxic people from my life. Toxic people are those who have nothing but negative things to say, people whose minds are so closed that it was often painful to have a discussion with them, people who put their own thoughts out there but refuse to listen to any opposing ideas, etc. What I found was that I removed NO ONE because I kept making excuses for their behavior and language. I WANTED to see the best in them.

So then the "kids from Covington" video happened. In case you don't know, there was a group of Catholic school boys who travelled from Covington, Kentucky to Washington D.C. to participate in the "March for Life". It is a protest against legalized abortion. Some of the boys were wearing MAGA hats (Make America Great Again), Donald Trump's signature statement. The video showed one of the boys, in particular, "confronting" a Native American Vietnam veteran, essentially mocking him and blocking him from leaving. This man also talked to reporters telling them how he "feared for his life" as he was surrounded by these "beasts".

Many of my Facebook friends condemned the boys and spewed their normal anti-Trump comments. No one got unfriended because I know where they stand on Trump. BUT, the next event was when the truth about the situation came out. A "full length" video (1 hour 45 minutes) appeared and showed that the boys not only DID NOT confront the man, but the man approached them as they were being harrassed by 4 black Israelites. The Black Israelites are a black supremacist group. When the Native American man got up in the face of the one boy who was the target of all the following hate, the boy never raised a hand, never moved, but simply stood still and smiled (some say "smirked", but that is a matter of opinion).

Some of my friends retracted their original statements, and I applaud them for that. But some others could not admit being wrong and doubled down. They found something, anything they could, to not have to admit that a Trump supporter might have one redeeming quality. I read things about how the boy was "disrespectful" to a tribal elder which is far worse than being disrespectful to other adults. His "smirk" brought back memories of "bullies" and "privileged white boys" they grew up with. To be fair some of the teenagers acted like teenagers (oh the horror!), so of course that also makes them a target for hate because they should have handled this with a much more "mature" attitude.

This showed me who these so called "friends" really are. I can no longer make excuses for them. I can no longer find a glimmer of hope that they are not actually toxic, where before, I would justify them with "that is just how they are". It is painful to think that all my discussions with them, when I thought they were actually hearing what I was saying, never added some sort of value to their lives. 

My friendship does not require and depend on you agreeing with me, but it does require that you hear me when I speak. I consider every conversation a precious gem that enhances my life in some way. Whether it be that we agree and find more commonality than we had before, maybe we disagree and it shows me a larger picture than I had considered, or even if it showed some ignorance on either of our sides, but we walk away as more informed or better people for having considered each other's ideas. But when you have so much HATE in your heart (toward Trump in this case) that you cannot hear the truth and accept it, then you have declared, loud and clear, "I AM A TOXIC PERSON!"

What hurts (and surprised me) the most, is that it was more than just one or two people. It hurts that I have been living under the idea that no one can truly be toxic. That there is always hope to somehow help them become a better person. I fooled myself into thinking that I would not be dragged down by them, but I could actually lift them up. And it hurts that I NEED to cut them out of my life. Apparently, our discussions were not discussions at all, they were shouting matches and my "friends" were wearing ear plugs. I am not just speaking about Facebook, but also face to face. I will continue to pray for them, but I cannot expose myself to their toxicity.

So my eyes are now wide open. I will see toxicity for what it really is. This past weekend, I was at a convention, and I heard a speaker say that traditional friendships are built on having a common past. That maybe the best friendships are actually built on having a common future. We hang on to friends because we somehow connect through past associations. But if your path is taking you to a dark place, somewhere that I don't want to go, I may need to let you go and find someone with a common destination who will help me get there. I prefer that you come with me, but YOU will have to choose that for yourself.