The above article is quite good, as far as "advice" goes. I agree with becoming more Christ-like, pursuing God's will for my life, etc. BUT I totally disagree with the idea that God will “give” you a
spouse. Perhaps many people (including Christians) who are single are just not
desirable for marriage because they are jerks, or come across as “desperate”, or a host of other reasons. I know so many
Christians who are so convinced that God will “give” them the relationship they want, that
they declare a person as “the one” after their first date. I know one guy who
found the girl God wanted him to marry 5 times, until she wasn’t, and then SHE wasn't, and then SHE... After the
first date, “she’s the one”. After a few more dates, SHE decides that HE isn’t. He went through a string of women he was
convinced God gave him to marry, and none of them were.
Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7:8, “I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It
is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise
self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with
passion.”
Paul is telling us that marriage is a CHOICE. He leaves this completely up
to free will. He is also telling us that it is better to remain single if you can,
but if you desire companionship, you should fulfill that by getting married. (Some
say “burn with passion” is referring to an uncontrollable desire for sex. Since
sex outside of marriage is wrong, getting married resolves the issue.)
So if Paul says getting married is an individual choice, why
would we believe that God will “give” us the spouse we want? I totally agree with
the author that we should always be seeking God’s will for us, and to seek God is to fall in alignment with His desires for us. Becoming more holy may even make us
more attractive to potential spouses (not a reason to desire being holy however). A Christian woman WANTS to marry a man
desiring to be more Christ-like, as does a Christian man wants a woman who is
striving to be the same. Our pursuit of being like Jesus should never end. But
believing that God has one man, or one woman in mind for us makes no sense to me. Marriage
requires compromise, forgiveness, humbleness, and a plethora of other Godly
attributes. Your spouse will never be “perfect" for you. You will have to
forgive them for mistakes. You will have to compromise your desires with your
spouse’s. You will have to humble yourself to serve them. I believe
there are many people who will make fine spouses for each of us, but we have to
have these Godly attributes for the marriage to function and stay alive.
I’ve heard so many people say that “everything happens for a
reason.” I agree, and sometimes that reason is because you made bad choices. "God works things out for good for those who love Him." If both husband and wife
pursue God in their marriage, He will bless it. That doesn’t mean it will be
perfect, or easy, or smooth sailing, but it DOES mean that you can work through
anything as a team united in Christ’s love.
For those who “know” the person they had one date with is “the
one”, why don’t you get married after that first date? Why date at all? Dating
is a time of testing, to find out if this is the person we believe we can spend
the rest of our lives with. There are things about my wife that can simply drive me insane, but because I can forgive, compromise, and simply accept her
faults, I have no problem getting passed those things. I am no peach all the
time either. She also has to do those things to keep our marriage intact.
One last question, and perhaps this is where my entire questioning of this idea comes from, if God gives Christians their spouses (and I assume God doesn’t make mistakes), why is the divorce rate among
Christians EXACTLY the same as among non-Christians?
